Democrats See Subtle Messages in MA Election Results

Democrats in Washington say they have been carefully sifting through exit polling data from Massachusetts to find subtle messages about their direction and the mood of voters.

White House political adviser David Axelrod said that the findings are subtle and nuanced.

“According to our careful, internal polling, 75% of Independents, 99% of Republicans and 40% of Democrats wish liberals in Congress and the White House would all drop dead. We're pretty sure that spells trouble for Republicans as well though. I mean, at 99% they are pretty divided as a party. And we're sure this has nothing to do with our efforts to ram through a health care reform bill that only polls well among Taliban suicide bombers,” Axelrod said.

Even as members of the Obama administration made their explanations, Democrats in Congress appeared to be losing their appetite for the health care reform bill. Jim Webb (Dimbulb – VA) was quick to say that no further votes should be taken on the health care bill until Scott Brown, the winner of Tuesday's special election, was seated in the Senate.

“I just think that if we try to move on this bill before this guy gets his seat that we will be dealing with a Bastille Day type thing on Capitol Hill. Every time I get outside the beltway all I see are peasants with pitchforks. That can't be a good sign,” Webb said.

“I mean, if these guys remember that I voted for this bill I might have to go back to writing pornographic novels or something,” Webb said.

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich had some advice for Democrats and Republicans alike in the aftermath of the election.

“First of all, I want to say to Jim Webb that we don't care how quickly he backtracks away from this bill. We remember how he voted when he thought it mattered. He is toast and it's already too late,” Gingrich said. And then paused long enough to suppress a fit of hysterical laughter.

“Second, I want to say to Republicans that if you can win running as a conservative in Taxachussetts then you better get a clue and figure out that the American people want you to be conservative. Hope I'm not talking down to you guys too much,” Gingrich said.

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs tried to downplay the significance of the election results.

“Make no mistake. While we got our butts kicked in a state that elected Ted Kennedy to the Senate for life and that has sent Barney Frank back to Congress for 30 years, we believe that ultimately, Marsha Coakley really just ran a bad campaign,” Gibbs read from a teleprompter.

“What's that? Oh, Martha Coakley. Yeah that was the name of the person we worked with so closely to win Ted Kennedy's seat back. I just couldn't remember her name,” Gibbs said after an aide whispered in his ear for a few awkward moments.