Antarctic Whale Wars Twist

Disturbing new details are emerging on the collision between a Japanese whaling vessel and the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society's anti-whaling speedboat, the Ady Gil.

According to anonymous sources, the Japanese whaling ship involved in the collision was actually an undercover boat sponsored by the Kill The Whales Foundation – a group whose Facebook site claims they are working toward the eventual genocide of all whales and whale-related species.

“We were aware that the hippies were in the area so we deployed our Shark IV boat to dispatch them. The real difficulty was how to get a speedboat to stay stationary long enough for a multi-ton fishing boat to ram it. But we have some tricks up our sleeves,” said a source from the Kill the Whales Foundation who asked not to be identified because he is not authorized to speak to the media.

“Sometimes we'll have someone on the deck with a guitar singing Cumbaya – that usually holds them still long enough. If that doesn't do the job we can usually distract them by pointing in a different direction and shouting something like, 'look, it's Mao Tse-Tung,'” the source said.

The Kill the Whales foundation claims to have four "Shark" boats in the waters off Antarctica that will be used to protect innocent whalers from radical environmentalists in speedboats. The "Shark" boats have recently been deployed because funding was made available from President Obama's massive stimulus bill.

“It's a good thing nobody looked into that stimulus bill thing before it passed. There was a staffer with Barney Frank's office who was sympathetic to our cause. Well, we actually black-mailed him into slipping our funding into the bill. Once Obama signed the bill we had the funds to buy our boats and proceed with our organization's important goals,” said the source.

Representative from the office of Barney Frank (Trotskyite, MA) denied he was the source of the funding and refused to speak further with Vast Right Wing News.

"We think we should spend even more on Fannie Mae. Now get off my phone," the person who answered the phone said.