In his weekly television show, Venezuelan President (D, Venezuela) accused the United States of using the aftermath of the Haitian earthquake as an excuse to take over and occupy Haiti.
“They have sent 3,000 marines into Haiti. And they brought their guns. Why would US Marines need guns in a destabilized country with no infrastructure and which is plagued by violent roving mobs?” asked Chavez.
Chavez also suggested that the earthquake was caused by the United States to further their imperialist goals of world domination. According to Chavez, the US had been waiting for the opportunity to invade natural-resource-deprived Haiti because of its strategic position in the Caribbean where it isn't close to anything of importance.
“You have to understand, my people, that the United States is pure evil and anything you may hear that is good is an outright lie – punishable by death,” said Chavez.
Reaction from the White House was swift and decisive.
“Make no mistake. We have called this press conference to show Mr. Chavez that we are tough and are not afraid of anyone,” White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs read from a teleprompter.
“We feel that Mr. Chavez's comments are unfortunate and we wish he was willing to discuss our minor disagreement over a beer,” said Gibbs.
“And besides, with all the debt we just incurred, what makes him think we can afford to send Marines with bullets?” said Gibbs.
Republicans in Congress were somewhat less accommodating.
“That fat narco-terrorist has sent over 11,000 crazed FARC communist gunmen into Columbia to murder women and children over the last ten years. And he thinks because we send Marines in to help restore order in the aftermath of a genuine tragedy that we are invading? What a miserable piece of human refuse,” said Representative Eric Cantor (R – Virginia).
“You can quote me on that,” said Cantor.
Cantor also challenged Chavez to an ultimate fighting cage match and made comments about wishing to meet Chavez in a dark alley with a Louisville Slugger.
Attempts to gain further comments from Chavez were unsuccessful.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Kurt, my friend, this is awesome! I totally less than three your blog! You make me laugh out loud :-) I am proud to be not only your first commenter, but your first follower as well.
ReplyDeleteDoes it make you feel less special to know that this was written using a Mac?
Not if it makes you feel any less special that I wrote all this on my Linux box.
ReplyDeleteNah. I am a big fan of the penguin, too. Linux wins in my book on servers, but still lags a bit on the desktop. I think it was after updating Ubuntu made my sound stop working _again_ that I decided to let it be for a while.
ReplyDeleteBut what the heck. It's been a while since last I played with different distros. VirtualBox, here I come!