According to the recently released classified documents published on the Wikileaks website, it appears that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton contacted the United Nations Office of Extraterrestrial Affairs seeking to sell President Obama to the highest intergalactic bidder. Many Washington insiders point out that this plan was especially sinister and would have been nearly impossible to detect.
“The plan was to have President Obama abducted while on a golf course, replace him with a body double, and then only have him address the public when he has a teleprompter in front of him. Who would be able to tell the difference?” said Wikileaks president Julian Assange from his Interpol holding cell at an undisclosed location.
Former political adviser to President Bill Clinton, Dick Morris, believes this was a win-win strategy for Hillary.
“Who knows how many millions of dollars this could raise for Hillary? She gets lots of cash, then she will just wait until the 2012 Democrat primaries and then turn off the teleprompter. Hillary will run away with her party’s presidential nomination as people recoil from the inarticulate dolt,” said Morris.
Another possible disturbing angle on the 2012 election is revealed in the communications with Iran sent through the State Department. According to some of the cables, Secretary Clinton asked Iranian president Mahmud Ahmadinejhad if he could share a few copies of the stuxnet computer worm so her associates could try to use it for “other purposes.”
While stuxnet was apparently designed to disable systems that control nuclear production facilities, Morris believes Secretary Clinton had another motive for modifying the computer worm.
“Let’s say her deal to sell Obama to extraterrestrials falls through. I believe her plan B was to re-engineer stuxnet to disable teleprompters. And if you think about it, half the people would probably still believe that Obama had been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with a body double who only knew how to read a teleprompter,” Morris said.
Tension between President Obama and Secretary Clinton, who were bitter political rivals in the 2008 campaign, was reportedly very high. The president reportedly lashed out at staff members who shared news of the cables with him.
“He was pretty irate. He kept asking who in their right mind would think something crazy like this would work. When he got really mad though was when we told him it would have worked perfectly. In fact, we were thinking of calling the UN’s Office on Extraterrestrial Affairs to see if they could tell us if he had already been replaced by a space alien,” said one White House staffer who asked not to be identified.
Secretary Clinton tried to maintain a diplomatic front.
“I would never overtly try to get the upper hand on our current Doofus-In-Chief. I can’t understand why people would think that about me,” said Secretary Clinton with an evil grin.
When reached for comment, Bill Clinton was incredulous.
“You mean to tell me the UN has an office on extramarital affairs? If I’d known that I wouldn’t have even bothered with the US political scene. They got a whole department for that kind of thing. That’s just cool,” Mr. Clinton said.
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