Proposed Obama Budget ‘Miraculous’

Republican critics of President Obama have been caught off guard by the president’s recent budget proposal.

“I’m sure there is something I’m not seeing here. We are flat broke as a country and yet he somehow manages to increase spending in this proposed budget. It’s nothing short of a miracle. I don’t know where the money is coming from but I’m glad we still get to spend it. Some of us were thinking this fiscal responsibility stuff was going to ruin our fun,” said Senator John McCain (RINO, AZ).

Other Republicans were less optimistic in their appraisal of the situation. House Speaker John Boehner (R, OH) apparently fainted and had to be revived when shown the figures.

“Uh, I blacked out there for a second. I thought he actually proposed spending increases. It must be some kind of joke, right? I mean, he does realize that at some point you run out of money to spend – even if it’s other people’s money. He really gets that, right? He had me going there for a minute,” Boehner said.

The White House tried to downplay Republican reaction and strive for a more bipartisan tone in its dealings with Congress.

“Republicans are such small-minded anti-intellectuals. They mistakenly think that somehow there is a limit to government spending. It’s just a re-hash of all their old, worn-out ideas. That kind of mean-spirited, hateful thinking leads to racism, sexism, bigotry and Nazi death camps. Obviously they are in need of re-education,” new White House press secretary Jay Carney read from a teleprompter.

After recovering, at a nearby hospital, John Boehner sounded more confident than his initial response.

“There are lots of assumptions in this budget that trouble me. One of the budget provisions relies on taxing magical elves and the tooth fairy. Another one relies on the taxation of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. While I applaud the president for his creativity, the rest of us are forced to only spend what we can get from non-magical and non-imaginary sources,” Boehner said.

House Democrats held a special press conference in order to advance the president’s budget and attack the Republicans for not doing more to create jobs.

“They’ve had like three weeks since they were sworn in. Why haven’t they fixed unemployment yet?” asked Loretta Sanchez (Prostitute, CA).

Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (Stalinist, CA) echoed those sentiments.


“Why aren’t the Republicans focusing on jobs like we did? We made the economy our number one priority at least 15 times while trying to distract the nation so we could commit healthcare reform and battery. The Republicans are just being irresponsible racists for opposing our Dear Leader,” Pelosi said.

“Ronald Reagan wouldn’t have opposed this budget. He was bipartisan,” Pelosi said.

Reports that Ronald Reagan had turned over in his grave located at his presidential library in Simi Valley, California could not be confirmed before press time.

Vast Right Wing News staffers contributed to this report.