Palin Draws Ire of Historians

In a recent appearance in Boston, undeclared GOP presidential candidate and former Alaska governor Sarah Palin reportedly angered historians by drawing attention to the ignorance of the press corps.

Palin angered the uneducated masses by telling them how Paul Revere had warned the British that the colonists were ready for them after his capture the night of his famous ride.

“You know, the way she relates things that members of the press could only know if they had actually read some US history is just insulting. Why should Palin expect members of the press to know stuff like that,” said an anonymous history professor in Boston.

“She’s obviously ignorant and so stupid that the GOP better not even think about nominating her,” the anonymous professor continued.

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (Dimbulb – FL), recently elected chair of the Democratic National Committee tried to pour on the pressure.

“It’s just like, tacky, to have a token woman in a position of leadership who has no real skills or knowledge or whatever,” said Wasserman-Schultz at a news conference.

“She’s really, like, stupid and . . . you know, just . . . stupid,” said Wasserman-Schultz.

Other pundits and potential rivals took the opportunity to pile on as well.

“I intend the maximum amount of personal disrespect possible in my comments in order to serve as a deterrent. Sarah Palin is evil, stupid, uneducated and should stay out of politics. Since we here inside the beltway are afraid of what she stands for, if she goes ahead with her presidential run we will make things even more personal and try to make her life as miserable as possible. Don’t you dare run because we are scared to death of you, uh, because you are so incredibly stupid” said an anonymous Washington insider.

In a related story, after a few days of uncertainty, fellow GOP presidential contender Mitt Romney has admitted to having a frontal lobotomy since the 2008 presidential primary contest.

“Some people were scratching their heads when I said I actually believed in global warming at that New Hampshire town hall meeting. But just to put the rumors to bed, it was much easier to believe after having a full frontal lobotomy about a year back. It’s really helped me come across as much more intelligent than Sarah Palin in the right political circles,” Romney said.

Many praised Romney’s maturity and growing gravitas after the announcement.

“The fact that Romney has admitted to believing in a fabricated hoax shows that he’s somebody we can work with. I mean, he’d help us get back to the point where elections didn’t really matter that much,” said House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (Stalinist, CA).

“He’s obviously set himself apart from the rest of the field with these serious and mature policy positions. Palin, on the other hand, is just a stupid, evil wretch who should be silenced in order to protect our cherished Constitutional system of unsustainable big-government,” Pelosi said.