Obama Pushing Healthcare Reform Across Country

In what has been billed as a last ditch effort, President Obama is traveling the country speaking to sympathetic audiences on the merits of his healthcare reform bill.

“We need to have the government run health care because historically government has been so much more efficient at, like, running . . . stuff,” Obama read from a teleprompter.

“I mean, look at the Post Office. You know, you don’t have to wait in line too long. And the prices don’t go up that much every year. And they aren’t losing all that much money. And . . . and most of the time they deliver your letters and packages . . . and stuff,” said Obama.

“If you don’t think my job is hard, you try saying all that with a straight face.”

According to the White House the rallies have been very well attended and enthusiasm for the president’s plan has been high.

“At our rally in St. Charles, Missouri earlier this week we had 41 people show up. Granted, we bussed in Hugo Chavez and 26 members of the Venezuelan Workers Revolution Party, but that was still a lot more people than we were expecting,” said White House press secretary Robert Gibbs.

Outside the meeting in St. Charles, a union community organizer who asked not to be identified said he felt the president was very successful in his pitch to the country.

“I think everybody knows that rich people are the problem. And we all know that anyone who is not a member of a labor union is rich. So if we just soak the rich we’ll all have good health care. The President was very effective in making that case. Excuse me while I adjust my aluminum foil hat,” said the organizer.

“It helps keep Republicans from reading the signals from the implant they put in my brain back in ’94.”

Similar sentiments were expressed by other union community organizers who attended the event.

Critics meanwhile pointed out the large number of protesters assembled at counter-events organized in the greater St. Louis area. Notably, one gathering had over 2,500 attendees who came to hear a local librarian speak against the health care reform bill.

The White House tried to downplay the relative size of the competing events.

“Just because they have thousands more people on their side and we have to pay union thugs to come to our rallies doesn’t mean that our aggravated healthcare reform and battery plan isn’t really what the American people want,” said White House chief of staff Rahm Emmanuel.

“I mean, they are a bunch of retards anyway. They don’t really know what’s good for them,” said Emmanuel.

Rhode Island Congressman Patrick Kennedy also weighed in on the subject.

“I CAN”T BELIEVE WE ONLY HAD 15 MEMBERS OF THE PRESS SHOW UP TO THIS RALLY! THE AMERICAN MEDIA SHOULD BE ASHAMED FOR NOT HELPING US COMMIT AGGRAVATED HEALTHCARE REFORM AND BATTERY!” said Kennedy.

“I would like some applesauce, please,” Kennedy added.