Healthcare Bill Hits More Snags

Washington, DC – President Obama's landmark health care reform bill is facing stiff opposition in conference committee according to anonymous sources who have knowledge of the ongoing negotiations.

“Jesse Jackson, Jr. wants a new state created and named after him. And Barney Frank wants funds to start up another escort service in his townhouse,” the source said. “How do you reconcile that kind of thing with the Senate version which creates single-payer government option escort services and creates a new state named after John Kerry which will only allow voters to register as Democrats?”

Some Republican skeptics of the bill charged that these issues had little to do with health care reform.

“We want the American people to know that we might or might not be for parts of this bill which might or might not cause things that we might not like,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY).

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (Stalinist, NV) replied that critics are, “clearly neo-Nazi racist bigots whose irresponsible use of hate speech should disqualify them from protection under the first amendment. If they keep resisting this necessary and compassionate reform we'll re-add the language for Republican death panels and ship them all off to the newly created gulags in Nevada.”

According to sources close to the conference negotiations, however, Senator Reid's statement highlights remaining hurdles.

“Reid can't even remember that he promised to locate the new gulags in Nebraska as part of the deal to buy Ben Nelson's vote. That kind of economic slave labor opportunity is something that Senators and Congressman are bound to still be arguing about behind closed doors,” one anonymous source said.

Vast Right Wing News Staffers contributed to this report.